I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
