I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
