Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
