I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
