I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
