After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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