Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
