I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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