You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
