u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
