Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
