yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize