If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
