i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I want her autograph on my taint
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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