She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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