a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
