i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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