Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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