My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
