too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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