I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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