if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love you. Go after that dick
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
