hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night