it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?