thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?