but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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