I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
