I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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