Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
