I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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