Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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