She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
