It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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