if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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