I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
