But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
