its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
