dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
