He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize