I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
