hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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