that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
