Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
