Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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