He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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