Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My cat gives me a boner
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
