No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
