I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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