im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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