I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
