Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
