I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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