Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
