saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
