Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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