You can't motorboat a personality
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
