I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize