You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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