So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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