Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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