Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
