I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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