she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
